By looking at this image, it appears I have well behaved children who love each other madly all of the time:
Sometimes they love giving each other hugs!
This however is not always the case. I run into plenty of instances like this too:
I don’t want my picture taken. I don’t care if it’s my 4th birthday.
I said I wanted candy for breakfast!
I have no idea why I’m crying. I just feel like crying!
Maybe if I make it look like a hug, no one will notice I am squeezing him too tight!
This is how I feel when my sister gets too close to Mom!
You are standing too close to me!
It’s my turn to use the bathroom!
So I have compiled my top 5 secrets to stop bad behavior dead in it’s tracks! I never do any of these in public for fear that I will be committed. These are strictly for the privacy of my own home. The only one who knows about any of these is my husband and sometimes I am slightly scared he will have me committed.
Dramatic Fall. You walk into the room where the scene of the bad behavior is happening. Do a slow motion spin and let yourself fall down in the most natural way possible. Keep your eyes closed. The kids will come running to your side and at this point tickle them. They will forget all about what they were just engaging in.
Witch Doctor. This song from 1958 from David Seville (the creator of The Chipmunks) is one of the catchiest songs I know. Children as little as 1 year old love this song and if you start singing they will immediately start dancing or singing along no matter what they are doing.
The Unknown Brother. Whenever the children are being too noisy and I can’t get their attention, I say “Be Quiet, you’re going to wake up your brother Johnny.” They do not have a brother Johnny. The downside on this one is that you have to finally tell them you were just joking so they don’t go tell people that mom is hiding a secret brother.
Rain Dance. Walk into the room and start dancing like you are beckoning rain. High skipping leg motions and arms flailing wildly in the air. I don’t know if this works because they are so entranced with the beauty of the dance or that they are scared I have really lost it!
Cabaret Singing. This is my favorite. I can not sing worth a darn which makes this one even funnier. When the children balk at a certain task I channel my inner Marlene Dietrich and begin singing in a sultry, smoky voice words like, “Come put your pajamas on Baby. It’s time for pajamas to come on. Mommy loves you in pajamas. Come put your pajamas on.” Again I’m sure my children comply at this point because they are scared Mommy is on the verge of nervous breakdown.
Very creative!!!! I’ve come to like my little trick of going into the room where fighting and chaos is ensuing and looking around in silence and then dropping to my knees and doing my best fake, loud, exaggerated, crying. This stops their fighting or crying and they rush over and ask “Granny, what’s wrong?” And I reply, “This fighting is breaking Granny’s heart…” And that usually ends it right there. I’ve done this enough times that if I’m really busy and don’t have the time for a crying jag, I can holler down the stairs, “hey, that’s enough, do want Granny to start having a broken heart???? Do you????” Peace restored…
haha!!! Love it!!!
Funny suggestions.
The1st would probably work for me. My boys see me ss a big toy. So if I fell; they would happily jump on me.
Yeah, it’s kind of toss up on that one if you want them jumping on you or arguing with each other!
Usually, I will take them jumping on me.
I lover this post Melissa, thank you for the ideas, I will use them with my son. I have one too: when he’s badly behaving, I change my voice and do a low growl (imitating my two dogs) and he quickly stops and forgets why he was crying about. By the way, Melissa this is Ingrid from nowathomemom, I can’t leave any comments anymore , don’t understand why but just wanted to let you know I’m still reading your funny posts.
Thanks Ingrid!!! That’s a great one!!! Thanks for sharing…I will add “low growling” to my mental list!!!
Ha!ha! , Melissa you are so funny and look I got my acc restored again, I’m happy I can come back to the blogging world again! Have a good weekend
HAAAAAA !!! This made me laugh out loud! Secret bother Johnny is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. Hmmm… What will I name my secret kid? Gotta go get my dog-eard baby name book!
Thanks! This one really throws them for a loop. I don’t like to overuse this one too much because I don’t want it to lose it’s shock value. So about 5 times a year I bust out Johnny! I think one time I screwed up and called him Charlie. They may now think they have 2 secret brothers!
These are great!! I have been known to break into song a la Julie Andrews when necessary. I just start belting out something really obnoxious and they stop what they’re doing and stare.
I LOVE the picture of the potty fight. SO FUNNY!!!!
The potty fight picture is definitely one of my favorites! I used it one time for another post too but I can’t remember why. Anyway, I think I should blow it up into a black and white and hang it in the bathroom. There’s nothing wrong with that right?!!!
Heck no! There’s also nothing wrong with hanging that black and white photo up at their birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc. etc. etc.
My oldest son came up with a fake older brother Charlie who apparently met an untimely end when he messed with my knitting. His use of the styrofoam skeleton (Halloween decoration) really sealed the deal with them. And every once in a while we throw out Charlie’s name just to rein things in/keep them on their toes.
Love the swoon idea — although my kids are old enough to step over me and keep on bickering at this point.
Also, for someone who said that they can’t sing, I noticed 2 of your 5 behavior busters involved singing. Just sayin’.
haha!!! I remember the skeleton!!! As for the singing I really am horrible! None of my family members would argue with this. However, I LOVE singing and music! I wish I had just a tiny bit of musical talent!!!
Yep, that should just about do it with the evidence I needed…
Very funny dear!!!
Thanks for the tips, Melissa! I’m going to try the dramatic fall later today. Because you know every mom needs these “behavior busters” on an hourly basis. Hopefully, my kids won’t just step over me, and say, “oh mom’s just tired she fell asleep on the floor again!”
haha!! That is hilarious! You know things have gotten bad if they think Mom could possibly be tired enough that she just topples over into a deep sleep!!! Actually, I think there are some days that it’s not that far off base!!
I love this! I’m totally going to try all of these…maybe at once if the moment requires it
Thanks for liking my recent blog post!
Thank you! All at once would be quite the spectacle!!! It certainly would get the kid’s attention though!
Awesome post and great ideas! I will file these away fir later
. I absolutely LOVE the pictures, too!
thank you so much Christiana!
Absolutely bloody brilliant!!! MUST remember these!
Thank you so much!
THIS WAS CLASSIC! I especially loved the captions! You are too cute!
Thank you so much!
Lol, I love the pictures! And also I nominated you! http://wp.me/p1qS8S-eb
Thank you!!! I’m off to check it out!
I LOVE IT!!!
Thank you!
Brilliant.
Thank you Jane!
This is hilarious!! The secret brother thing—AWESOME!!!!!
Thank you so much!
Rain Dance and Cabaret Singing – Mel – I wish I was there!!!! (Though I loved all of them)
xxxx
Thanks Jen! I put on quite the performance!!!
nominated you for award. http://littlepoppits.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/spreading-the-love/
Ahaha! Those are too funny! I only worry that your children will ignore if, Heaven forbid, you ever did collapse in a heap. I think you should youtube one of your Marlene Dietrich moments! Maybe with a simultaneous rain dance.
Oh trust me, you would either pee your pants from laughing or being scared if I did that!
Those are hilarious! I wish I would have heard about them several years ago. I wonder if any of those work for teenagers? They might really have me committed though….teenagers already think their parents are a bit loco…that might be the final straw!
Oh I can only imagine what affect these actions would have on teenagers! They would be scarred for life!
Oh, it’s too late for that!
I think I’m going to need to see some video demonstrations…
haha!!! Sorry, that would cost extra!!!
When the fighting gets bad I always stop real quick and look out the window.They get scared because I tell them that I think Santa,Easter Bunny or Cupid must have been looking in the window.The fighting stops and it has worked for years.Granted they are afraid of window peekers now but a little fear never hurts anyone.
Oh, that is so funny!!! I’m not above striking up a little fear for the sake of peace!!
LOL! You are just too funny! I never heard this song. My girls need to have a listen to this!
Thank you Lidia! This song gets stuck in my head all of the time!
I love this post! The pictures are priceless! Thanks for the tips-my favorite is the fall! I’ve got to use that one! I know that will be alot better than me raising my voice – that one never works!
Thank you!! My kids have completely tuned out my yelling!!!
So, I’m not alone!
By the way, the imaginary brother reminds me of what my dad used to do with us as kids. He’d walk into our bed room, slap his belt against the wall and say,”You’d better get to bed or I’m gonna call Uncle Fred!” (There was no Uncle Fred. Daddy just said that to rhyme!) My Daddy was such a teddy bear, we knew he’d never use that belt on us!
Oh, that’s so funny!!!
Singing like a crazy woman has always worked for me….still does! It is especially effective if they are bickering in public….just the threat of Mom bursting into song….
I can’t wait until my kids are at the age where they embarrassed of me…right now I have no threats that work out in public!!
It’ll happen. Trust me.
Too funny! I would love to see video demos
and those pictures you’ve posted are classic. Perfect for family albums. I especially loved the potty fight 
Nice, creative, funny, and I say love is there. Mtetar